Risk

Since I was 8 years old, I kept a small herd of show sheep for 4-H. I invested quite a bit of money and work in my little sheep herd. Lambing starts in January for me, in the coldest weather. I have a barn with lambing pens in it, bedded with straw. I remember clearly one night that I stayed up with a young ewe, waiting for her to go into labor.

At around 11 that night, it was clear that the first lamb was coming through the birth canal backward. She needed help. I tied her head up, washed my hands, and went to work. The first lamb was still-born. The second had a heart beat, a faint one. That was enough. I would do everything I could to save this lamb. The ewe collapsed, exhausted, while I went to work trying to bring life to that lamb. I had to give it mouth-to-mouth and rub it down with a towel to get its blood going.

The mama put her head up close to the lamb’s slick, black face, quietly talking to it with a deep, gravelly voice. She was still breathing hard. But the air was too cold- 17 degrees. I needed to take the lamb into the house if it was going to live.

I rushed to the hearth with her only surviving twin. There was a cloud of sorrow over me. In my heart I knew this lamb might not make it. But as long as there was a heart beat, I had to try. Maybe there was a chance…maybe…

By 3 a.m., the little heart beat stopped. I was worn out. I was sad. The next day, the mama hung her head on the ground and stood in the corner of her pen. She wouldn’t eat or drink; it looked like she was giving up. The loss had broken my heart, too. It’s hard to explain what I felt. I had poured so much into the hope that the little one would revive.

Anyone who has ever had a friend, or fallen in love, or invested time and talent and money in a dream, realizes that sometimes, you lose. Raising livestock is the same. My grandpa said once, when I was brokenhearted over losing a horse: ‘them that don’t have, don’t lose’. Loving or hoping in something is a risk. And it’s your choice. You can avoid the pain of losing by not having. You can avoid disappointment by not trying. But is that the right thing to do?